Do you ever wonder how it’s possible to hold two seemingly opposite ways of being in the world? As I sat down to write today, I became very aware of the discomfort resulting from the tension between the part of me that wants to have a regular writing practice and the part of me who is prioritizing my business. My daughter is figuring out how she can be both ambitious and studious while also a surfer and traveler. And a client recently shared that she feels pulled between her life as a corporate professional and her love for being a surf bum, trail runner, and mountain explorer.
Many people resolve this tension by choosing one path over the other. It’s often easier, allowing them to avoid the discomfort of pursuing both. Yet, I know plenty of people who don’t want to settle for just one version of themselves. Today, I invite you to join me in exploring this “both-and” approach - giving ourselves permission to embrace and nurture all the parts of who we are, even when it’s hard.
Living a life that honors multiple passions is, I believe, an essential step toward a richer, more fulfilled existence. Many people desire this kind of wholeness but dismiss it as impractical or give up on it when it feels impossible. Sound familiar?
Reflecting on Your “Both-ness”
Have you ever felt torn between career ambitions and the pull of nature on your days off? Do you crave creative outlets like cooking for friends or learning new songs, even as you dedicate yourself to professional goals? Or perhaps you hear a little voice telling you it’s impractical to pursue both and urging you to pick one?
Over time, many of us silence parts of ourselves that once brought energy, motivation, and joy. People I coach often recall a piece of themselves that was creative, adventurous, or community-oriented - a part that thrived on making a difference or creating something meaningful. I’m always curious about where these parts go when we stop prioritizing them. They remain in our memories and in our bodies, which store valuable intelligence about who we are and who we want to be.
Reflection Points
Our bodies, like our minds, hold powerful memories and signals about what we long for. Here are some questions that help me to tap into what my body already knows about what I most need and want:
- What memories does my body hold of times when I felt alive and fully myself?
- What signals do I notice or ignore? Maybe it’s tension in my shoulders from doing too much of what drains me, or a thrill in my stomach when I remember a hobby or passion.
- Can I recall the feeling of strength in my legs on a hike, the excitement of being part of a community, or the joy of creating music?
And what about now? What shape has my body taken in response to today’s responsibilities? Maybe I feel tightness in my shoulders from long hours at work, or tension in my jaw from balancing competing demands.
I try to ask myself:
- When have I felt most energized? What was I doing?
- Where was I when I first felt this in my body?
- What emotions did I feel then, and how often do I experience them now?
- What does my body most enjoy doing?
- What does my body most need right now?
Consider writing down your answers. Reflection alone can be a powerful first step toward reconnecting with the parts of yourself that bring joy and energy.
Design Your Own Way Forward
My journey to being a more whole human being—one who honors all parts of myself – has been deeply personal. As a coach and a parent, I’ve seen that no one can prescribe my path for me. Instead, I design it based on what feels meaningful to me. I try to start small: adjust my morning routine, incorporate moments of rest throughout my day, or create an end-of-day ritual. I might take more holiday time, commit to a writing practice, or cultivate small, joyful routines.
Here are a few essential elements that help me create my new way forward that might be helpful to you:
- Define your intention: What do you want to cultivate or reconnect with?
- Identify a new action: This might be journaling, exercising, composing lyrics, or listening without interrupting.
- Reflect consistently: What are you noticing as you try this new practice? What do you want to pay attention to?
- Seek accountability: Invite someone who supports you to check in on your progress.
Choosing to be a whole human being - a person who embraces multiple aspects of myself - has often felt challenging and uncomfortable. It has required me to calm the critical voice within, to listen more often to my body, to stay a lot longer with discomfort, and to be willing to accept imperfection. And while there are countless reasons to avoid these tensions, the rewards have been immense. I believe that our lives are richer when we make room for what brings us peace and energy. Too often we can find ourselves working toward an idealized version of ourselves and losing sight of who we genuinely want to be.
Maybe your path involves focusing on yourself more, serving others, or both. The path is unique to you. And we’re all in this together, each of us navigating our own “both-ness” in ways that make us feel most alive.